Friday, November 10, 2006
By the time Mr. Bradley joined 60 Minutes in 1981, I had been watching the show for most of my teen-aged life; it was a requirement of life growing up in my grandfather's house that the TV would play 60 Minutes at 7:00 p.m. on Sunday. It was his favorite program then, and it probably still is. Over the years, my interest in watching the show has come and gone, but even after 25 years, I somehow thought of Bradley as "one of the new guys" on the show. Still, I've always thought that if, for some wild reason, 60 Minutes was going to interview me, I'd want it to be Ed Bradley asking the questions. He always seemed like the kind of guy that was just having a conversation with his subject rather than poking a spotlight into the dark places in their lives (I think Mike Wallace is an outstanding journalist, but I would feel very uncomfortable being interviewed by him). Now, it seems, no matter how famous I might become, someone else will have to interview me.
That was yesterday, and this is today. Today is the day my grandfather, 38-year fan of 60 Minutes, starts what hospice calls "comfort care" that will last the rest of his life, which will be another few weeks. He's been dying of cancer for the last several months (it was too advanced by the time it was discovered to fight it), and now, two weeks before his 88th birthday, it seems the end is near.
I'm sad for my grandfather's passing. It's a selfish sadness, because I don't fear for him and what is to come, but for me and how I'll live my life without him. For better or worse, he made me the man I am, and I'm happy with that. That, by the way, is something I've never told him. I have to do that soon, as there's a tradition of things not going unsaid between us and time is short.
I'd like to take a little time to tell you some things about him, much like an abstract sketch of a very rich and well-lived life. He was born Alonzo Debs Leland Winters, third child and only son to Ivan and Melinda Winters, in 1918. His two sisters, Velda and Marie, nicknamed him "Deelee," a name mostly used to keep their much-younger brother in line ("Deelee! Come here!" or "Deelee! Stop that!").
At the age of 17, just after his mother's passing, Alonzo "Deelee" Winters joined his father, a cook on a Merchant Marine ship, as the cook's mate. A couple years later, he joined the U.S. Army and went off to fight World War II. At enlistment, knowing that having a name like Alonzo Debs Leland Winters would bring more grief than it was worth, he legally changed his name to Dee Lee Winters. Years later, my mom would name her first born son James after her brother and Dee after her father.
It's my understanding that, shortly after I was born, my grandfather saw me in the hospital, the first of his nine grandchildren, and said, "That's a Zeke if I ever saw one." From that day forward, I was "Little Zeke" to his "Big Zeke." That lasted until I was in high school when, hearing me call him "Zeke," the neighborhood kids thought that was his name and started using it. Not wanting intruders in our exclusive club, I decided that I would rather not use the nickname than share it with anyone. After all those years of calling him "Zeke", I couldn't just start calling him "Grandpa;" I had to come up with something else. After mulling it over for some time, I landed on "Pappy," a nickname that has stuck ever since.
In 1951, Dee Lee Winters, a young body and fender man and divorced father of three, met and married Dorothy Louise Day, widowed mother of two (his "older woman" by a whole eight months). The two struggled to make ends meet their entire lives, sometimes living in a travel trailer with the two kids they had custody of, sometimes both working to pay the bills. They always had a garden, for the love of the Earth and the low cost of the harvested produce, and there was always food on the table. Family came first, always.
One day when I was a teen, a call came from his sister Velda that her husband had passed away. She found herself mired in a collection of junk (or "junque" as Pappy likes to write, for its association with "antique") from which she had no way of digging herself out. "I'll be there this weekend," Pappy said as he hung up the phone. Seeing the import of the situation in his eyes, sensing an adventure, I said, "I want to go," not even knowing where or what was happening. That weekend, we spent three days at hard labor sorting out a lifetime of pack-ratting (an affliction that affects our entire family), tucked away at night in the spare bedroom in Aunt Velda's attic. For him it was somber duty, helping pick up the pieces left after a sudden death in the family. For me, it was a grand adventure for a hero and his sidekick, spiced up with an opportunity to peek into a storehouse of family history.
The trip to Stanwood was just one of many adventures we had over the years. Another year we decided to take an early fishing trip over to Eastern Oregon to one of our favorite spots, Paulina Lake. We figured to get there early before all the good ones were caught; just one quick weekend away from the distractions of small-town living. We got there Friday night after a long drive, got camp set up and the boat in the water, then bundled up in our sleeping bags in the back of the truck. Our decision to make an early trip showed its folly as we shivered all night with the cold. The next morning, happy to be up and moving and looking forward to the rising sun, we found Pappy's denture cup frozen solid, his teeth suspended in a giant ice cube. "What now?" I asked, wondering how he was going to get through breakfast. Always the innovator, he whipped out a saucepan, fired up the gas stove, and got some water boiling. After a few minutes the teeth were free of their binding. With a toothless, yet triumphant grin, he fished the plates out of the pot and popped them in his mouth. As quick as they went in, they came out again. It seems they got hotter than he'd thought in the pan, and his cold fingers didn't register the temperature when he picked them up. His gums sure did, though. With a hoot of laughter that comes out when he catches himself (or someone else) doing something silly, he set the teeth down to cool on the picnic table and went about making breakfast. I don't remember whether we caught any fish or not that trip, or anything else about it. But I've retained the important bits. Funny how those things go.
I could go on for hours, recounting every adventure we had together, as well as most of the adventures he had growing up during the Great Depression or during World War II. I listened with rapt attention as he told each story over the years. He got his dentures as a young man, the result of a case of trenchmouth he caught in Burma during the war. His first car was one he and his buddies built out of parts salvaged from the junkyard. They drove it all over, causing mischief until the car fell apart and was returned to the junkyard where it was born. Once we bought 50 Sequoia redwood saplings at an auction and planted them around the perimeter of the five-acre hobby farm, Barefoot Acres, we lived on for a time. One happened to be right over a spring, and it grew at twice the rate the others did. It was well on its way to being a towering giant by the time my grandparents sold the farm and moved to Salem.
My grandfather spent over 20 years in the auto body repair business, with short stints running bicycle shops and a lawnmower repair shop, and has crafted more wind chimes and wooden gizmos than most people have seen. He raised five children, has nine grandchildren, and I've lost count of the great-grandchildren. Everywhere he's lived, the Earth has been enriched by his hand, and those around him by his heart. His regrets in life have been few, and, if you count the people that love him, his successes have been many.
I'm going to miss him when he's gone, my Big Zeke. Jen and I hope to adopt children one day, and I just pray that I do as well with them as he did with my mom and my uncle, and in later years with my sister and I. I'm sad to think that my children won't know him, except in whatever way he is reflected in me. I can tell them stories, but hours of stories just won't impart what five minutes of talking to him will. He has that way with people.
I'm going to see him tomorrow. I'll print this essay and take it along to show him. I hope he doesn't want me to read it to him, as I'll just end up crying. But like I said, the tears aren't for him, but for me. Selfish, aren't I?
Update: On December 9th, 2006, Dee Lee Winters passed from this world to the next, two weeks past his 88th birthday. A week prior, I was at his side and said my goodbyes. The drugs and the cancer had put him in a mental state where he couldn't track well enough to either read my essay or hear it read. I told him the important parts, though. "You made me the man I am, and I'm pleased with what I've become," I said, words so simple that took so much strength to impart because of their finality. He paused for a second, contemplating. I could see in his eyes that he was going to object, then decide that it wasn't the time for frivolity or false modesty. At last he nodded. Still not willing to take all the credit, he said, "You've got a good soul. You've done well by yourself and your family." Everything after that is a blur now, except the wordless final goodbye as I knelt by his bedside and held his hand. Neither of us was willng to admit that it was the last time we'd see each other, but we both knew. We also knew that there were no words large enough to be useful. So, with a squeeze of his hand, still massive after the rest of him had wasted away, leathery and course and warm and loving all at the same time, I rose, took my jacket and walked away.
Now, three and a half months later, two weeks past my 40th birthday, I've not yet cried. What I'm waiting for I couldn't tell you, I'm just waiting. I miss him so much. My grandmother, my last remaining grandparent, puts on a brave face and tries to live from one day to the next. I don't think things get easier for her as time passes, she just gets better at carrying the burden. She's a strong woman, though, and will make a life for herself without her mate.
My life goes on. Spring is coming, life blossoms around me fresh and new. I think this year I'll plant a garden, albeit a small one. And I'm going to try and go fishing with my dad. One thing I need to do for sure, though, is watch more 60 Minutes.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
In January, 2009, lame duck President George W. Bush will grant pardons to Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove. A tidal wave of confusion will wash over the country as the media digs into just what they're being pardoned for. The data won't be available, though; the documents describing the crimes for which they are accused, and were secretly convicted of, will be sealed by none other than Chief Justice John Roberts. Since Justice Roberts is young (he turns 54 in January, 2009), his term on the bench and his seal on the documents is expected to last for years; long after the rest of the country has ceased to care what happened during Bush's last years as President.
This may all sound preposterous, and all you law-mongers out there may rail about how this can't happen because of this or that. To that I respond, yes, it does sound preposterous, but you just wait and see. It's about as likely as President Bush getting assassinated, and they made a movie about that.
[Update: The day after I posted this, Secretary Rumsfeld resigned his post at the White House. Coincidence? I think not!]
[Update: Today, August 13, 2007, Karl Rove resigned his post at the White House. Unfortunately, it's probably so he can go lead the campaign for the next GOP front-runner. Or kill doves. Hard to say which.]
Just in case you're wondering what I've been up to since April when I last posted, well, it's been a busy time. We (Jen and I) went to Hawaii for the first time. Wow, what a place. We stayed at the Marriott Ocean Beach Club timeshare resort. Scott and Kathy went with us, and we all had a great time. So great, in fact, that Jen and I bought into the resort.
But that's not the real news. After returning from Maui, we finalized the purchase of The Morning Star Cafe in downtown Portland. We took over from the previous owners on September 1, 2006, and we've been pushing the rock up hill ever since.
By far, the most difficult part of owning a cafe is dealing with employee issues. The previous employees, save one, decided that they didn't like the regime change and all quit. This seems to be due in significant part to the previous owner being absent from the scene for most of the last year, leaving the Morning Star to run itself. It did so well enough, but having managed the place by themselves for some time, the employees didn't like Jen's hands-on, "I bought it, I'm going to run it" management style. Well, good riddance to them.
We've got a new crew now. The one employee that came along with the purchase that's still with us had only been on board for three days when we took over, so we count her as new. She stuck with us through hard times when she was the only employee and we had so much business that we turned some away. We gave her a fat bonus for that, and a raise to boot. I can't help wishing she'd cut off the dreadlocks and get rid of the pierced lips, but her performance so totally overshadows those negatives that they hardly blip on the radar.
One issue we can't seem to get past with all of our employees is timeliness. There's not one of them (four total) that shows up on time consistently. When they get there, they work hard and work well, but the place opens at 6:00 a.m., and showing up at 6:10 or 6:30 doesn't give us the confidence we need let go of the responsibility of opening. These are the travails of small business ownership, though. With luck things will get better. Without it, well, we'll never get to use that timeshare we bought.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Note: The following text may spoil some aspects of the movie for you whether you've seen it or not.
Ang Lee has directed a mixed bag of films. I loved Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but couldn't believe I sat through the entire reel of The Hulk. In general I like Lee's direction style, and he certainly can't be expected to fix a bad script like The Hulk. And the writer, Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove brought an edginess to the romantic notion of the cowboy that we hadn't seen before, with an epic length was very engaging. So, with all the hype over Brokeback Mountain, I was expecting a good film.
As it turns out, Lee delivered excellent direction that, paired with the acting talents of Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall (the latter of whom, for all the movies he's made, is unrecognizeable to me), had the makings of an excellent film. This is in the same way that a good chef can take a couple of primary ingredients and make a five star meal. Of course, primary ingredients aren't all that go into a dish, and two good actors and a director can't make a film palatable.
The film is a series of vignettes spread out over twenty years of Ledger and Gyllenhall's torrid and illicit love affair. The idea that two run-of-the-mill cowboys stuck on a mountainside for a summer in 1963 could find passion in each other's arms isn't an unreasonable leap, and many a Hollywood film is based on flimsier circumstance. The rest of the film takes that premise and runs it through a wringer, asking the viewer to accept sample after sample of two decades worth of lies, both to each other and those around them, while their relationship and their humanity degrades to a bleak ending. It's a perfect parable about the effects of addiction on the lives of addicts and those around them.
Somewhere in the middle of the film, I found myself nodding off. Not a good sign. At least all the footage of the Wyoming mountains is beautiful.
One thing that seriously bothered me about the film was a shot made famous by the trailers, that of Ledger standing in a field with a sky lit by fireworks behind him, the perfect portrait of the all-American cowboy. Oh, it's a great shot, and would be perfect in a lot of other films, just not this one. Ledger's character is anything but someone we would hold up as a fine example of our society; indeed, we would be embarassed to admit he was one of ours.
I bet I know what you're thinking, and you're probably wrong. For me, it has nothing to do with Ennis Del Mar's latent homosexuality. People are people, and they find love and attraction wherever they find it; it makes no matter to me. It's unfortunate that society in 1963 Wyoming wasn't accepting of people, but it doesn't change the basic facts of the choices these two made.
In the firework-laden scene, Del Mar (Ledger) had just finished beating the crap out of two drunk bikers in front of his wife and two daughters whose honor he was evidently defending. This much was fine enough, and within the one small vignette of the Fourth of July celebration, warranted the proud stance. But Del Mar, by this point in the movie, is a barely-employed drunk who has been cheating on his wife for several years. Indeed, at his first opportunity to say anything about his relationship with Jack Twist (Gyllenhall), when his wife Alma (Michelle Williams) asks if they'd cowboyed together, he lies and says they were old fishing buddies. From there, it's one lie after another, built on the same premise, to a woman he supposedly loves.
I may be in some sort of minority, but after I had been with my wife for four years (the amount of time between Del Mar and Twist's parting on Brokeback Mountain and their next meeting), I didn't want anything to do with any past lovers, and none of them had been anyone I was embarassed to tell her about. My point is that I chose to be with her, leaving my single life behind. After four years of no contact, Del Mar and Twist can't keep their hands off of each other, and Del Mar immediately turns to treating his wife Alma like some random piece of furniture, like some junkie back on the needle after a long repast. It takes years for Ennis and Alma to get to divorce, but the marriage is unhappy going forward right from there.
In general, I don't like tragedy as entertainment, but worse than that to me is infidelity. Brokeback Mountain is just another film that pretties up the antics of a couple of people who wreck their own marriages because they can't or don't want to keep their hands off of each other.
I know it goes against the basic model of the progressive male that I'm supposed to have become after the enlightenment of the 90's, which is held up by the ongoing popularity of "political correctness," but it's just against my nature to enjoy something like this. I'm supposed to understand that some people are so overcome by their emotions that they just can't control what they do; that we should understand their plight and feel empathy for their unrequieted love. I don't buy it. Good people are ones that stick to their convictions and honor their committments. People who lie and cheat, who are destructive to those around them, are not honorable and shouldn't be honored. Understanding that people have failings is one thing; holding them up as great people who are in a bad situaton is quite another. Please, Mr. Lee, don't feed this to me as part of the archetype of American life, it's one I can't appreciate.